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Wisdom From the Circle - Giving Up Being “Right”

April 12th, 2018 by Ed Thorney

When you are in a disagreement with someone, and both parties are convinced that they are right, it can be painfully difficult to end the conflict. If you concede, if feels as if in giving up, you have admitted that you were, in fact, wrong. This creates a tremendous psychological pressure that compels us to continue an argument that is often unnecessary and is always a barrier to real communication.

Being "right", as we all have learned in raising children (and managing relationships of any kind) does not necessarily fix things! In fact, when we are bent on ensuring that our rightness is finally agreed with, we see how quickly things go wrong!  It's ironic and frustrating. Regardless of whether we are “right,” we all believe what we think - therefore we're right…right?   Children are no exception.

Although it can be painfully difficult there is tremendous power in the ability to hold back on needing to be "right" long enough to guarantee better listening all around. Once there is a stronger understanding of where one another is coming from - the level of respect increases. Agreeing is actually less important than mutual respect. This will dramatically decrease the power struggle and shared decision-making/agreement is now possible.   

In a well-run family meeting or a simple conversation - we as parents, need to exercise leadership by guaranteeing respect is always a priority.


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